In thinking about New Year's resolutions, I remembered once upon a time (I think I was 15, so about 10 years ago) that I wrote out a list of "Things to Do In My Life". And I know I had kept it because I remembered seeing it about a year ago. Soooooo, I started digging in my boxes upon boxes of pictures and letters and random other items I have felt the need to keep over the years and finally found it. But it's what I didn't expect to find that made me want to write this post. Of course it was in the second to last box I looked in, so I had the chance to look at all kinds of old college and high school pictures and letters! Oh what a good time I had just laughing and smiling all by myself on the floor of the bedroom as I was flooded with memories. And then, then, as I continued to read letters, I started to cry, I cried and cried and cried. It was truly the strangest thing and as I write this I can feel my eyes starting to water. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I was crying. Then, it hit me. I missed being myself. Now let me explain as some of you might be thinking that I missed the old me, I guess in a way I did, but not in the way that I wanted to go back in time. I missed remembering who I was/am. Still confused? I've been so overwhelmed with the fact that I don't have a job, own a house, etc. I've been so worried for the last few years about the complete WRONG things. I was sad because I was able to become the person I am, in the place where I'm at with the help of most of these people, these people who are just memories for the most part now. These people were all I had at one point and somehow, even with all the moments they helped make in my life, I managed to let my relationship with them fall to way side.
Now at this point you might be thinking we all do that Jonnie, it's just something that happens. Well I'm not okay with that....not anymore. I want to make sure that everybody who means/meant something to me knows it and they know it as often as I can tell them. I will no longer be consumed with the things that won't matter when I leave this world! I will from this day on make an effort to be the best me I can be and part of that is constantly remembering where I can from and those who helped shape me! Sorry, I feel like this is a common issue for me, but this time it really hit me, because I just spend the last twenty minutes on the floor crying like it's nobodies business. We'll continue this conversation at a later point.
Okay, now that all that's out, I want to share my list with you...here you go:
- See New York at Christmas time
- Be a size six (hahah...this makes me laugh, why did I care at 15?)
- Take up yoga/kickboxing (I've done it, but I wouldn't say I've taken it up)
- Learn to dance
- Go to San Franciso
- Be a mother
- Marry the man of my dreams
- Participate in a life changing experience (I love it, isn't everything life changing?)
- Volunteer my time
- Learn to play the guitar
- Learn to speak Thai
- Study Astrology
- Own a St. Bernard (I really don't have this desire anymore)
- Visit Thailand
- Meet my Grandma (my mom's mom) (sadly she died before I ever got to do this)
- Learn Sign Language
- Go on a cruise
- Run in a marathon
- Learn to play the piano
- Have ice cream with my little brother
- Have a day with my real dad
- Watch a meteor shower
- Graduate from college with honors (I'm just glad I finished)
- Take up photography
- Study aboard in Spain (I missed out on this one too)
I feel like all this was so random, oh well! Happy Thursday.
We've had lots of good times together! Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteThose are some pretty big dreams for a 15 year old.
ReplyDeletehaha, and I think I've wanted a Saint Bernard since watching Beethoven in the early 90s.